Confused, Frustrated, need some guidance.

This blog might be a bit splotchy and rambling, and I do apologize in advance. This is all coming out of my need to find a better parent in myself, exploring the "Waldorf" way of parenting, and therefore questioning my religious and philosophical beliefs. Here we go...

For the longest time I've considered myself to be an athiest, or at the least mildy agnostic. I have come to realize that my beliefs (lack thereof, really) are just based on my rejection of the notion that there's some guy in the sky who's going to send me into a firey place to punish me, but still loves me. There's more to that, but that's the gist of it. I comfortably reject conventional Christianity. My mother was Lutheran and in her mind there was a God who she looked to for strength.. but she was never gung-ho on anything. We never went to church. I was enrolled in an evangelical pioneer girls club at a church and attended vacation bible school for a few years, but that was mainly for social purposes and my mother sent me there for that reason. I've never jumped into the depths of Buddhism or Islam, so I can't say how I feel about them too much. I do know that from what I know about them, their "key aspects" do not fit me.
When I was around 12 or 13, I began exploring Wicca and Paganism.. I found them quite wonderful.. I loved the emphasis on the earth. Now, i don't feel that I should "worship" the earth as a diety per-se, but I do feel very connected to nature and have a love for it (and always have had). I then moved on to high school and became too busy to focus on everything- I was a kid and had alot going on.. mother having a massive brain bleed during my Freshman year and then being diagnosed with lung cancer that eventualy manifested her brain and bones and who knows what else.. she passed away junior year... got transpanted to the south side with my dad, oh, and had a baby on top of that. I was... busy.

Now, I'm not so busy. I've got two children, and a husband who feels almost the way that I do regarding religion, only that he doesn't feel the connection to nature and just quietly considers himself an athiest or mildy agnostic as I put it. I see flaws in my parenting. I've always been quite natural minded, and really want to give that much to my children.

I began exploring parenting styles, seeing which categories I fit into and which qualities i'd like to adapt and adopt into my own parenting style. I also searched for homeschooling "mantras" as I'm hoping to homeschool my children. I then stumbled across Waldorf. I'm still learning alot so forgive me if I come accross as ignorant.

I firmly believe that children learn by doing, and agree that children learn by imitation. I don't know about the anthroposophical aspect of it though- I'm actually going to stop this blogright here because I feel the utter need to do more research before I open my trap.